Your Holiday Plan: Eating Differently Than Your Loved Ones
Does this sound like you?
You know what foods make you feel great.
You know what foods make you feel crummy.
You know what foods are sometimes worth it.
AND…
Those foods are not the same as the foods that your family eats.
With the holidays coming up, many of us are sharing a meal with people that we don’t get to see every day. Even if your plans have been drastically altered by Covid, as mine have, we may still be gathering with a couple of close people to celebrate together. These principals apply in any situation where you are sharing a meal with people who eat differently than you. For anyone with dietary restrictions or preferences, this can cause a lot of anxiety. Whether you are vegetarian, have a food allergy, are managing a medical condition, or just prefer to eat a certain way (dairy-free, keto, gluten-free, etc) these are tricky situations to navigate. Will there be anything for me to eat? Will I hurt someone’s feelings by refusing a dish? Will I feel peer pressure to eat things that I KNOW aren’t worth it, and then feel like crap later? Time to make a game plan, folks.
Whenever possible, just make it the way you want to eat it
If you are in charge of making a dish (or a meal), this strategy can work wonders. Make the dang thing the way you want to. Just make the mashed potatoes with coconut milk. Use gluten-free flour. Sub the rice for cauliflower rice. Bake a naturally-sweetened dessert. A lot of the time, they won’t even notice, and if all else fails they are trying a new (likely nutritious) way of eating!) If you are in charge of cooking it, you have the power to swap and adjust dishes for maximum nutrition and maximum inclusion. Don’t feel trapped by tradition. Be bold! Just. Do. It.
2. offer to bring a staple that you can eat
If you are a guest at somebody else’s meal, offer to bring a staple item that you know aligns with your preferred way of eating. Plan so that, if even if there is NOTHING else that you feel comfortable eating, you will have something nourishing to eat. I love to bring a big, hearty salad to gatherings- add a little protein and that can be a filling meal by itself!
3. communicate in advance
Especially if your way of eating has recently changed, this is key to avoid awkward pressure in the moment. One of Melissa Hartwig’s (founder of Whole30) rules that I love is to never talk ABOUT food while you are EATING food. Your aunt offering you her signature green bean casserole is not the time to give an in-depth explanation about what gluten does to your digestive system (#byeappetite). Before the day-of, you should give people a heads up about what to expect from you! (This is especially helpful if your grandma always makes her special chocolate pecan pie just for you). This could sound like-
“I’ve recently been trying to improve my sleep and energy levels and I’ve learned that some foods really interfere with how I want to feel! I am really looking forward to the turkey, brussels sprouts, and mashed potatoes, but will be passing on the bread, casseroles, and stuffing, and pie this year. Just wanted to give you a heads up so that you can make the appropriate amount! Is there anything I can bring?”
Notice that the heads up focuses on what you CAN share with your family, as well as a heads up about what you will be passing on. I’ve noticed when I communicate in advance, my loved ones are extremely understanding and even work to accommodate my food preferences.
4. “No, thank you”
This is a complete sentence. No further explanation or excuses needed. If you prefer not to communicate in advance, or if your loved ones forget in the moment, you can simply say “no, thank you” and move on. This can feel uncomfortable- I know my tendency is to overexplain in these situations! But I’ve learned that if you don’t make it a big deal, they are much less likely to.
5. detatch from emotional baggage
Food is a wonderful, fulfilling part of being human. Food connects us deeply to our identity, traditions, history, and culture. It eventually becomes very difficult to separate the food itself from the true purpose of the holiday. Go into the day with a clear intention (I am here to spend quality time with my family. I am here to reflect and show gratitude. I am here to connect with loved ones) and work to detatch yourself from the emotional pressure of eating this or that. It’s a wonderful family gathering, whether you eat a piece of pie or not. Removing all of your focus from the food being consumed allows you to enjoy the flow of the holiday in a different way- AND you can be more present knowing that you won’t be getting a migraine from eating gluten or an energy crash from tons of sugar.
6. if all else fails…it’s just one day
I don’t believe that a holiday is a reason to go nutso and end up feeling like crap. Maybe that’s just me, but that kind of ruins the fun. However, true health means feeling empowered to make your own informed decisions. There are times that holiday food will NOT be worth it for you. Maybe you are a vegetarian for moral reasons. Gluten leaves you doubled up with painful cramps. You are legitimately allergic to dairy. You are healing from an auto-immune disease. You are finally feeling better and it’s just not worth jeopardizing that.
There will also be times that holiday food WILL be worth it. You know your sleep might not be as great after all that sugar, but you don’t have anywhere to be the next day. You know you may break out from that dairy, but dangit you look forward to those mashed potatoes all year! (and hey, acne fades)
